2nd Perinatal Appt

So, I have been praying and asking God to bless our little miracle just as he has this entire pregnancy. When we got to the appt and Dr. Finley began to do the ultrasound, we could see there was no change in the fluid that was in the chest. Actually, we now see that fluid has gone down into the stomach cavity. Not good.

It's weird how I can have a note taker at the first appt and between the two of us, we managed to put things together. But hearing everything again from the Dr's mouth has a much bigger impact. Not sure if there were things my brain just wasn't comprehending the first time around but I was hearing it loud and clear this time. Basically, we have to know what is the cause of this in order to know if treating it will help in the long run or not. Doesn't do any good to keep doing surgeries in utero and after baby is born if it will not help him/her. I seemed to think that from the first appt, the possibility of Down's Syndrome was "kinda off the table". Today, I found out it is still a good possibility that "could" be the issue. The good news that I have to hold on to is that when I went to my OB appt later in the day, I asked Dr. Arroyo if a Down's baby would have some growth issues at this point and if the brain would be measuring a little smaller then it's gestational age. He said yes. You would normally see a smaller size brain and some other organs or things not measuring properly or looking abnormal. I am still measuring right on target with brain development and size, the kidneys look good and the heart shows absolutely no issues at this point.

Boy, I feel a little better just writing this now that I see it in words.

I did have to have an amniocentesis while at the appointment. That was completely unexpected. I thought we would probably discuss our next plan of action. It's really hard when the Dr. asks again if outcomes would determine whether we continued on with the pregnancy or not. But I kind of lost it when I had to sign the waiver for the amnio stating I know there is a risk of spontaneous miscarriage or fetal death. But the benefits outweigh the risks. I was having a hard time reading the form as things began to get a little blurry. But I managed to sign it. Dr. Finley feels that if this is something we can help, we need to try to give the baby the best fighting chance of survival once it's born. Antwan and I completely agree. With the amnio, he had to maneuver pretty fast because he was afraid that as active as my little one has been, he/she would make contact with the needle. Out of all the times I have had to give blood and get shots (which is a whole lot for those who don't know my history) this was the most uncomfortable procedure I've had to endure. It wasn't painful, just extremely uncomfortable. Afterwards I did cramp a little bit so I had to stay on the table for a few minutes. I started crying...not because I was feeling pain, but because I was and am just so scared and don't know what to expect. After the procedure, I had to go home and take it easy. Not so simple with a little one at home.

At my OB appt which I mentioned was later in the day, I had to get a Rho-gam shot because of the procedure. For those who don't know what this is; basically, it's a shot to keep my body from looking at the baby as a foreign body and attacking it. I am B negative so I am at risk of this happening. I had to do the same thing with MJ. Two needles in one day....one in the belly and the other in the bum (hip). Fun fun!

Right now, I am physically sore and still a little crampy. And emotionally I am drained beyond belief. The hard part is that Antwan is gone to DC for a business trip and won't be back until Friday. Tomorrow is Micah's birthday and I still have to try to get through the rest of the work week and be productive. At least it keeps my mind busy.

My next peri appt is Monday at 11:15. If the fluid is still there, I will have to have the procedure done to drain the fluid from at least one side of the baby's chest. It would be done on Monday in the Labor/Delivery Unit at Overland Park Regional. So I'm trying to prepare myself for that. Not easy. I pray that things work out for this little one as we've come so far from all the other heartaches. I truly believe this baby is a miracle in every since of the word. I know God is in control, I just have to keep my faith that he is working everything out. I don't want to question God because he doesn't make mistakes. I shamefully admitted to my mom that I had a thought that this was punishment of some kind for everything that is not good/and has not been right in my life, marriage, friendships, family relations, etc. But I know I should not question Him but instead ask him to reveal his plans for this child to me so that I may understand. I know he's trying to show/tell me something. I just need to be patient and even more so be obedient and listen to what he's saying.

For those of you reading this that I have not verbally spoken to, please know that I am not avoiding or ignoring you. I just need time to process things. Also, having to go over the situation is really mentally and emotionally draining. I am just glad I have a place where I can share my life and my thoughts and emotions with everyone at once so it's all out there.

We love you all and ask that you continue to pray for us and this little life. God hears prays and I know with all the prayers going up, He has to know how much this baby means not just to us but to everyone. He's sure to bless us!

Thank you all again and God Bless!
-Ro