What else

I've had the roughest day so far. Yesterday, there was just a lot of stuff going on.

The good part of the day is that AM came by to assist me in the house. She and MJ cleaned up his room. Boy was that a HUGE help. Later, she took him to get something to eat then they met up with the Golfer for an afternoon of bowling. I was able to just relax then go up to the hospital.

Isaiah had a rough afternoon. He had to be bagged for a while because his blood pressure dropped and didn't come back up on it's own. He's on 100% oxygen and the Nitric oxcide is still up. I think it had to do with condensation from the ventilator that is not returned to the machine. It somehow was sucked down the tube going to his lungs after the nurse repositioned him. He had to suck the water out immediately, but the damage was already done. His lungs didn't tolerate it thus the drop in his vitals. He still has his TPN and PICC lines. Chest tubes are still draining but not as much which is good. They had switched his 2-3 antibiotic meds to one (a completely different one.)

By the time I got home, I was tired and very upset. So I laid down and fell asleep. I woke up to find Micah eating my cereal right out of the box. He was complaining about it not tasting right. I put him to bed and straightened up a bit. I went to put the cereal away and noticed that most of the flakes were damp. How does cereal get damp? (Found out later he poured lemon juice in the cereal...what in the world!)

I couldn't sleep so got my bible and started reading scriptures. I went ahead and pumped, took a shower then decided to head up to the hospital. I got there about 1:45am (Sunday) which marks Isaiah's official 2wk birthday. I talked to him a little bit and got an update from the nurse. She was a little concerned and spoke with the nurse practioner. She walked out a moment and came back with Dr. Lancaster. He was there for a delivery and decided to come talk to me before heading home. He is a straight shooter and sugar coats nothing. He wants to try Isaiah on a steroid. One is cortisone which is not AS effect as another one. The one he is leaning towards is called Dexamethasone (Decadone). It can be much more effective, but the drawbacks are it may not work like they want it to, it may not work at all, and it can cause some other problems like a temporary stunt in growth spurt and it can supress his immune system even more then it already is. It has also been know to cause developmental issues later. He pretty much said that Isaiah is extremely sick and they are about maxed with what they can do for him. He also said that if things don't turn around and the treatment doesn't work, he may not survive to make it out of the NICU. That's the last thing I needed to hear as I had already been emotional most of the night.

I just sat by his bedside touching his little knee. All I could do was keep saying, "I'm sorry." I feel like I have failed Isaiah somehow. I know there is nothing I could have done differently to make things better but I just feel like I could have been more aggressive in treatments while he was in utero. I know we were aggressive with treatment, but what if I had let them do things sooner. What about having his chest drained again 2wks before I delivered. I know I can't think about what if because it doesn't help and there is nothing I could have done. I looked up to the sky and began begged God to please not give up on him because I wasn't.

How am I supposed to feel? I feel alone and helpless, but I turn to God and my bible and just keep hoping that he's listening when I talk to him. If I could switch places with Isaiah, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I know that I have a lot of people that need me, like MJ. How do you devote your life and love to the people who count and depend on you day in and day out but everyone is in different places? I just want everything to be ok. I've spent the last 24 hrs in tears thinking about my life everything going on in it. So I have to keep my faith and hope in God that he will make things alright.

We ask you all to continue to pray that God shows his mercy on Isaiah and delivers him through this difficult time. We know he will pull through, we just ask God to make it happen.

God Bless,
-Team Piggott